Too Bad to Be True

Air Force retired recall "offer" lands with a legendary thud

Sometimes, all you can do is shake your head and laugh.

As reported by media outlets and meme pages, the Air Force is giving retirees the option of becoming active again.

Which is like offering a duck the option of becoming l’orange.

And oh what a deal it is, so ingeniously sublime it is creating waves of stunned stupefaction. Let me try and summarize.

Imagine I offer you the chance to take a good ‘ol beating. And in return, you get the opportunity of being beaten.

That’s pretty much the deal.

The service wants a thousand airmen in various specialties to return to service for up to four years. Those who take the deal will be subject to all of the standard requirements of military service.

Be deployed. Be reassigned and move your family. Be fitness tested and vaccinated. Wear a uniform, take orders, render salutes, be laughed at by finance.

But they will not be eligible for promotion or skill development. Will not receive any sort of bonus for returning to active duty. And will have zero influence over what they end up doing or where.

In fact, the policy documents basically admit participants will do miserable staff jobs no one else wants, so others can be freed up to do more important things. Pilots are unlikely to be re-qualified or actually fly.

It’s a deal which sounds too bad to be true.

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And “thanks but no thanks” is the resounding answer.

Those with enough morbid curiosity to read the policy find themselves unconsciously guarding their wallets, believing something this bizarre must be a scam.

This program does, I admit, leave me deeply confused.

Not about what’s being offered, but about why anyone would accept it.

Giving up your civilian job for a few years to lose geographic control of your life, have more family separation, and tack on a few more percentage points of retired pay … is not a great deal.

Even if we consider patriotic duty and solemn obligation, the scales don’t even lift, much less come close to tipping.

Those most likely to be enticed by this prospect are those adrift in their post-military lives. Those with nothing better to do.

Sure, this program will scrape a few people, and probably a few good ones.

But is this really how the Air Force is going to get stronger? By bringing back salty old-timers to push paperwork around desks?

The fact of this policy is a comment on the scar tissue of the dark years. Excessive operational tempo, eroding quality of life, and decaying trust between airmen and their leaders created a hemorrhage of talent. The service was apathetic about it, which accelerated the drain.

While the past few years have seen a welcome reversal of philosophy and approach, the depth of the manpower shortages created in previous years means that even without wars raging, the service lacks the resources to cover its requirements.

This meme-fest, funny as it is, also asks questions.

Have we fixed what made everyone leave? What’s changed in the time since?

Here we are asking in vain for retired pilots to rejoin, when we could have just done a better job of retaining them in the first place.

Starting around 15 years ago and continuing for too long, pilots left in droves because the service’s senior leaders made it clear they’d rather be short of warfighters than engage in an earnest conversation about working conditions.

They were arrogant. Dismissive. They didn’t listen. And now here we are.

Gen. Mark Welsh to an audience of hundreds of captains at Squadron Officer School: “Go ahead and leave. Someone will backfill you.”

Lt. Gen. Bob Allardice on many occasions told pilots who raised concerns to “go ahead and quit,” often spicing it up with “you won’t be missed.” He now advises the Air Force on professional development.

Many reported a few years ago Gen. Maryanne Miller joking, in reference to the pilot shortage, that the Air Force was just waiting for the next airline crisis to come along and solve its problems. I like gallows humor, but this hasn’t aged well.

Maj. Gen Brooks Bash told an auditorium full of pilots that if they just wanted to fly for a living, the airlines were hiring. Much as I get what he was driving at, this remark also hasn’t aged well.

Gen. Ray Johns once asked me what I was most concerned about, and I told him I was worried airmen were negatively adapting to the demands on them, becoming toxic in the process. He didn’t even respond. Just stared at me and then silently ended the conversation.

These are spot examples of behaviors and attitudes that, while not universal, were prevalent over many years, actively modeled and encouraged by senior generals.

Maybe we should narrow the program and recall those who created the problem it will struggle to address.

They can come back to do some ‘splaining and be accountable for mishandling a resource issue central to the warfighting mission.

And then they can do staff work while other pilots fly, get reassigned and deployed a couple times, and be unceremoniously jettisoned back into retirement.

Much as I worry about the kind of world we’re leaving behind for Keith Richards, this whole thing feels a little desperate. Last time the Air Force tried this, a mere 50 pilots returned to service.

And this, maybe, is the point.

If something seems too bad to be true, it probably is.

I suspect this is a bureaucratic show of force. Proving dough before the real bread gets baked. This would explain why it seems built to fail.

Before the service can try more radical approaches to addressing its personnel gaps, like paying bonuses big enough to cover misery tax, it has to be seen exhausting cheaper options.

Thing is, Big Blue will not solve problems with band-aids. Unless the underlying reality of how we treat people and how service is lived changes, we’ll be right back here trying this again in a few years, just as we were a few years ago.

I don’t know many colleagues willing to give up their donut and whiskey routine for an extra sliver of retirement pay.

Me? I’m holding out for the involuntary recalls. When that email comes, it’ll be obvious the shit must really be hitting the fan. Rallying the geezers won’t be a problem when the survival of the free world is at stake.

Let's just say returning to active duty to self-incarcerate in powerpoint jail is less inspiring.

But hey, it’s on my radar, and now, on yours.

TC is a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel and ardent observer of the service’s unfolding story, occasionally choosing to comment.